


It's Complicated

by Wolfling



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-26
Updated: 2010-02-26
Packaged: 2017-10-07 13:45:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/65702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolfling/pseuds/Wolfling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some things are easy to live, hard to explain.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Complicated

**Author's Note:**

> This was written as part of the spn 30 shots nano table of prompts, prompt word "complicated". Spoilers: vague ones up to 4.22

Generally, Sam and I don't try to explain our relationship to anyone. We just say, "We're brothers," and leave it at that.

There's a hell of a lot more to it, but that's how we describe it. It's a simple name to put on something that's so complicated I'm not sure there's words to properly describe it. Sam and I both know what we mean when we say we're brothers, and that it's way different than what most people mean by the term.

We're Winchesters. We don't do simple.

What?

You want me to explain the complicated? You're kidding right?

You're not kidding. You're going to sit there and stare at me until I get all caring and sharing with my feelings and embarrass the hell out of both me and Sam. And yeah, I know he's not here right now, but that kind of embarrassment will hang around lurking in corners until he gets back and then jump on him all unawares. There's no avoiding it.

Which okay, would be a little funny, but still...

Okay, geez, fine. Put the eyes away. But don't blame me if this doesn't make any sense.

So Sam and me. Where to start? Well, the brothers thing. The way most people would think of it. We've always been that. And would be, even if things were different. If we hadn't had demons and angels breathing down our family's necks since before we were born, we still would've been brothers. We just wouldn't have been so freaking... y'know.... how we are. We'd've been more normal. We would've had separate interests, separate lives, and ended up with nothing in common but the same parents. And I'm starting to depress myself here so going to stop thinking about it.

But with Mom dying and Dad raising us the way he did, it set us apart from everyone else. Made it so the only other person who could possibly understand the shit we go through is each other -- Sam for me and me for Sam.

It pretty much meant that we were each other's whole world when we were kids, and though we tried the separate life thing when we grew up (okay, Sam tried, I was just pretty much forced to go along with it because I had no choice) we eventually ended up back together and even more wrapped around each other than we had been when we were young.

And yeah, I caught that raised eyebrow there -- you're wondering if I mean wrapped around each other literally. Do you really think I'm going to answer that? I mean there's some things that are just way more than I'm comfortable sharing.

Besides, it doesn't really matter anyway. Sammy and me, what we are to each other, what we would do for each other... we're already pretty much as close as two people can get. Sex wouldn't change that one way or the other.

Sex is easy to get. Having someone who knows you as well as they know themselves, and who still wants to hang around, that's a lot harder. Having someone you'd not only die for, but tear down the world for, that's something that reduces things like sex to pesky little details.

It's not something you can give up, even when you want to. Or think you should. You can try and fight it, push it away, but all you'll end up doing is dealing yourself a mortal wound. You're that wrapped up in someone, there's no way you can separate and remain whole. Remain human.

Just as bad is if you spend all your time being afraid you're gonna lose the other person. Thinking you have to take on the entire responsibility of keeping them safe leaves you in a constant state of fear and pretty soon you're doing something beyond stupid like sell your soul or start drinking demon blood. Oh, it's for all the right reasons, but that's only going to end in tears.

The only way that's going to work and not become your Achilles' heel instead of your greatest strength is to stop trying to fight each other, stop trying to protect each other and start working to protect you both, as a unit. Work on the whole being equal thing, and accept that losing the other person would destroy both of us. Accept the fear, feel it, and then let it go. Do what you have to do anyway instead of letting it paralyze you. Or make you do something really stupid.

Sammy and I, that's what we've had to do. It's not always easy and yeah, we do screw up sometimes -- thankfully not in any world ending ways lately -- but it's worth it. I mean not even the combined forces of Heaven and Hell could get between us now -- and believe you me they tried.

Just don't ask us for relationship details. Like I said, it's complicated.


End file.
